Libido can be hard to pin down: sometimes a sleeping beauty, sometimes the queen of the night.

In the 1970s, desire was in no rush. It allowed itself to be filmed, photographed, observed in its silences and impulses. People spoke of free bodies, diffuse sensuality, an eroticism of the long game, much like the contemplative cinema of Emmanuelle, where desire is never forced, but always suggested.

If you are already attentive to your body's manifestations and your desire, you know that libido can vary from week to week, sometimes even from day to day.

Libido is neither cyclical, nor purely biological, nor completely magical. It is the result of a set of factors, some of which are not under your control.

Sometimes you feel open, available, connected, ready to explore your body and your partner's. At other times, desire completely takes a back seat.

What can be difficult to grasp is that you are not necessarily always in perfect sync with your partner. This libido discrepancy within a couple has a name: Sexual Desire Discrepancy (SDD). Specifically, it is the difference between your desire and your actual sexual activity within your couple, linked in particular to your partner's libido fluctuations.

Differences in desire affect many couples: some manage to find their rhythm and to communicate, while others have more difficulty understanding libido fluctuations.

How to recognize and interpret your own variations in sexual desire?

How can you prevent a libido difference from affecting the quality of your relationship?

How to revive a flagging libido?

We explore the topic in depth to share our observations and advice.

An essential reminder about libido

Since we'll be talking about libido throughout this article, it's important to understand the subject thoroughly and know exactly what it entails.

Libido refers to sexual desire, an openness, a sexual availability to oneself but also to others. It's like a call from the body inviting you to have intercourse and/or masturbate.

If we look at the purely medical definition of libido, it would be exclusively the result of your hormones and biological dispositions: "Libido is a feeling of sexual desire, essentially dependent on the secretion of androgens in both women and men." Académie de médecine

This is a truncated and incomplete approach to libido.

If we look at the definition proposed by doctors F.Cour, S.Droupy, and A.Faux in Anatomy and Physiology of Sexuality, libido would be "a psychobiological drive, nourished by two sources: exogenous sensory and endogenous, corresponding to sexual fantasies and ideas."

We are more aligned with this second option, which takes into account not only purely biological factors but also environmental and psychological ones.

Why do we prefer this definition? Because it gives you power over your libido. If your desire is dormant, you can stimulate it, awaken it, and stir it in a thousand and one ways.

Do men have a higher libido than women?

This is THE big question (or the big cliché) surrounding libido. Men supposedly have an overflowing libido, always ready for sex, while women experience significant variations due to their hormones and sensitivity.

This view lacks nuance. It's a subject to be handled with care.

In the 1970s, some voices already began to question these preconceived notions. The work of American sexologist and essayist Shere Hite gave women a voice about their desires, fantasies, and rhythms, revealing a sexuality far richer and more nuanced than the dominant stereotypes of the time.

There is indeed a biological reality: libido is largely influenced by hormones. This partly explains why women often express more intense sexual desire during ovulation (mid-cycle), when they secrete a large amount of sex hormones. For men, sex hormones are produced regularly throughout the month.

In reality, to truly understand your libido, you need to look beyond the hormonal system. So many factors come into play that it's impossible to settle for such a binary gendered generality.

Laure Dasinieres, a journalist for the media Slate, conducted a study on a hundred people between 25 and 73 years old (women and men) to try to better understand the expression of their sexual desire. The result: there is no notorious libido gap between men and women.

She then turned to Dr. Patrick Papazian, a sexologist in Paris, to refine her observation. Here's what he says:

"If there is a difference, it is a difference in demonstration. It is accepted and expected that men express and assert their desire [...] When, as a man, you have the opportunity to have an open and honest discussion with women, it seems to me that you realize the situation is more balanced. However, women are less vocal about their desire because, once again, that is what is socially expected of them."

And what does science say on this subject? There is no consensus. Studies contradict each other. If we stick to Freudian analysis and 1980s statistics, men would be subject to an overflowing libido and uncontrollable sexual urges. But the closer we get to modern times, the more women's libido is considered.

According to an American study published in 2022, 25% of women even have a higher libido than men.

We therefore invite you to not generalize, to be attentive to your own reality. Give yourself the right to express your desire or your lack of desire, regardless of your gender or sexual orientation. Free yourself from injunctions and put your body back at the center.

What factors can influence libido?

Hormones and libido: allies and enemies

As you will have understood, we do not wish to limit libido to its purely biological and hormonal dimension. However, it is a reality: hormonal variations have an impact on sexual desire. Here's what happens in women and men.

On the feminine side, sexual appetite is influenced by estrogen and progesterone (sex hormones), whose production fluctuates throughout the menstrual cycle. Ovulation is a key moment: these two hormones are produced in large quantities to allow the release of the ovum and prepare the body for a possible pregnancy.

However, these are not the only hormones involved in the expression of libido.

Sexual desire manifests when other hormones activate the body's excitatory mechanism: dopamine and endorphin, among others. These hormones are secreted when you are having a good time, exercising, eating something you like…

The feeling of happiness and satisfaction is only expressed if these hormones are not inhibited by other "harmful" hormones, such as prolactin.

On this principle, women and men agree.

On the masculine side, it is mainly testosterone that boosts sexual desire. It is produced regularly throughout the month and does not experience significant fluctuations, except in particular pathologies. It simply tends to decrease with age.

What is less known is that women also produce testosterone. What's funny is that this hormone has no influence on their libido!

How your mental health influences your libido

Mental health impacts your libido. It's not a myth: your stress levels, nervousness, and sleep directly influence your sexual desire.

It's easy to understand: if you're exhausted or preoccupied with a topic, it's unlikely you'll be able to dedicate time and energy to sexuality.

Already in 2006, researchers were interested in the influence of mental health on libido expression. That year, a French study conducted on over 1000 adults revealed that 73% of individuals are less willing to have sex during periods of stress.

Another conclusion of this survey: libido is contextual and also depends on your state of mind. Again, this conclusion is easily understood: you are certainly more inclined to have sex during a beach vacation than when you're stuck on the Parisian subway.

Libido is therefore the result of a whole, a global state of mind. When you feel good, enthusiastic, rested, and confident in yourself and your partner, you allow yourself to express your sexual desire.

Sometimes, a piece of bad news or an unaddressed complex can hinder libido. If you have trouble understanding variations in desire in your partner or yourself, be sure to take this psychological dimension into account.

To want to have sex, you need to be able to let go. And to let go, you need to be in a good state of mind.

Libido in the face of life's challenges

If you were used to burning with desire for your partner (or even solo), certain significant life events can mark important changes in your libido. This is completely normal. Respect your rhythm, your timing; there is no obligation to have sex or feel a devouring and insatiable desire all the time.

All couples go through pivotal moments in life, including:

Postpartum

During pregnancy, the female body is heavily solicited. Add to that the stress and fatigue of a newborn's first few months, and you have an unfavorable cocktail for a thriving sex life.

In postpartum, couples often struggle to reconnect, to find time alone, as their roles as parents consume them.

While men often express the need to regain intimacy in the first few weeks after childbirth, this is not always the case for women. They need to reclaim their bodies and give them that "object of desire" status again.

Each couple has its own timing; there is no rule to follow. The return to sexuality can take several weeks, even several months. In their article Impact of delivery method on sexuality in primiparas (2022), gynecologists S. Ghades, O. Kaabia, and M.R. Fatnassi report that 30% of women experience desire disorders, even 3 months after giving birth.

Illness

If you or your partner are facing illness, libido may be put on hold for a while. Remember that the body always dedicates its energy to vital functions. In such moments, your needs and priorities are not focused on sexual desire.

Gynecological pathologies such as endometriosis or PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) directly impact the female hormonal system and disrupt the expression of libido. These diseases are still largely underdiagnosed, yet at least one in ten women is affected, according to the World Health Organization.

Finally, certain treatments can also influence libido: antidepressants or treatments containing synthetic hormones, for example.

Hormonal variations (menopause and andropause)

Menopause and andropause are significant hormonal transition periods that occur between 45 and 55 years of age on average. While andropause is not systematic, 100% of women experience menopause, which is the drop in estrogen and progesterone levels.

This hormonal deficiency results in a set of symptoms, including a genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM). It covers all intimate area disorders: vaginal dryness, painful intercourse, and urinary problems. One in two postmenopausal women is affected.

During this period, many women report significant discomfort during intercourse. They tend to gradually lose interest in sexuality and disinvest in this part of their lives. Inevitably, their libido is impacted.

On the men's side, andropause is often referred to as "male menopause". Concretely, testosterone levels drop, which is accompanied by erectile dysfunction and a lower libido.

And your couple in all this?

When there are tensions in the couple, libido rarely wants to be involved. Unspoken issues, accumulated frustrations, everyday resentments quickly take over... leaving little room for desire.

When you're no longer on the same wavelength, when issues remain unresolved, it becomes difficult to truly reconnect, relax, and let go. The body, for its part, understands very well what is happening: it closes off, it protects itself, it waits for the atmosphere to become softer again.

Before worrying about a flagging libido, take a step back. Ask yourself if there aren't some underlying issues to untangle: life projects that are no longer aligned, an overwhelming mental load, tensions around money, children, daily organization, or simply accumulated fatigue.

Sometimes, the core of the problem... is precisely the libido gap. One partner waits, the other feels pressured or guilty, distance sets in, and each digs in their heels. Desire becomes discreet, and the couple enters a kind of vicious circle.

In these situations, there is no miracle solution. But there is an essential starting point: opening the discussion. We'll talk about that right after.

Libido gap in couples: how to reconnect?

Opening the discussion within the couple

When there is a libido gap and you're struggling to reconnect, talking about it becomes essential. It's not pleasant for anyone, and it's often destabilizing for both sides.

The person feeling less desire may feel inadequate, "failing," or have the impression that the other expects something they can't deliver. Sometimes, they don't even understand themselves what's happening: a medical treatment, a drop in self-confidence, profound fatigue, a complicated relationship with their body... All these avenues deserve to be explored together and without pressure.

On the other hand, the person with more libido may feel rejected, unwanted, pushed away. They may experience the absence of intimacy as a personal rejection, or even as a lack of love, when that is not necessarily the case.

To avoid misunderstandings and prevent the situation from worsening, it's important to gently defuse it. Talk not to solve the problem immediately, but to understand what each person is going through.

A few simple questions can already open up a lot:

• How do you feel about our relationship right now?

• What's been on your mind lately?

• Do you feel good, supported, listened to?

• Are there things we could improve to rediscover more closeness?

Sometimes, the solution doesn't even involve sexuality. Arranging childcare, setting aside real time together, reconnecting without a specific goal, just to be together, laugh, share... Giving the couple, the team you form, its rightful place again.

And if the discussion is too difficult to initiate alone, seeking support from a sexologist or a couple's therapist can be a real breath of fresh air. Not because "things are bad," but because you want to take care of your bond.

Back to basics: intimacy and sensuality

Before trying to push the boundaries of your sexuality, go back to basics. To what makes you love each other, choose each other, want to be together.

Creating sensuality is sometimes simply about slowing down. Softer lighting, a vinyl playing slowly, a warm voice in the background. In the 1970s, artists like Marvin Gaye were already singing about a hushed, carnal, deeply emotional desire, far from any injunction to performance.

Reconnect with what you deeply desire in the other. What makes you swoon, what makes you tender, what excites you sometimes without you even knowing why.

Some very concrete ideas, to adapt to your way of loving:

• Organize surprise dates, even simple, even short ones.

• Take time to prepare for the other: lingerie that makes you feel beautiful or handsome, perfume, a new haircut.

• Give compliments, without waiting for a special occasion.

• Leave sweet notes around the house, in a bag, on the pillow.

• Be attentive to details, to what pleases the other.

• Make room for spontaneity again, without planning everything.

Resuming a game of seduction also means accepting not to be completely taken for granted. Desiring each other again, looking at each other differently, savoring that gentle tension that sometimes precedes touch.

Awakening libido and respecting its rhythm

When libido begins to stir, there's no need to rush. There's no race, no level to reach. Desire likes to be allowed to come, to be tamed.

To slowly raise the temperature, several options are available:

• Naughty sexts to maintain desire throughout the day.

• A shared erotic audio, or a sensual playlist to create a sensual atmosphere.

• Slow kisses, shared mindfully, to intensify connection and intimacy.

• Time to rediscover the other's body, as if for the first time, with caresses, body paint, or slow erotic massages.

There's no need to aim for "perfect" or highly elaborate intercourse. Sensuality has its place, sometimes long before sexuality in the strict sense. Erotic massage oils, stimulating gels, caresses, sensory games, gazes, shared breaths... Let sensations guide the moment.

Here, the goal is not penetration, nor orgasm, nor performance. It is desire itself. The pleasure of being there, together, in the moment. Trust yourselves.

To go further: exploring your sexuality as a couple

Once you're comfortable, reconnected, and ready to explore, why not gently step off the beaten path? Sexuality offers a wealth of possibilities, games, and discoveries to experience together.

If you've never explored the realm of sex toys, it's sometimes an excellent way to rekindle desire and foster intimacy. A vibrating cock ring for shared sensations, a vibrating egg with remote control to play with anticipation, a strap-on to reverse roles and explore new territories... The possibilities are endless.

Discover our selection of sex toys for couples

Here are our recommendations:

• A wand to gently extend an erotic massage into a sexual massage of intimate areas.

• Frenum stimulation to discover new, more targeted sensations around penile pleasure. A practice that requires time and learning, providing an opportunity for different self-discovery.

• A couple vibrator to amplify stimulation during penetrative intercourse.

What matters is not what you choose, but how you experience it: with listening, respect, curiosity, and pleasure. Libido is not a goal to be reached, it is a path to be traveled together.

Libido can be hard to pin down: sometimes a sleeping beauty, sometimes the queen of the night.

In the 1970s, desire was in no rush. It allowed itself to be filmed, photographed, observed in its silences and impulses. People spoke of free bodies, diffuse sensuality, an eroticism of the long game, much like the contemplative cinema of Emmanuelle, where desire is never forced, but always suggested.

If you are already attentive to your body's manifestations and your desire, you know that libido can vary from week to week, sometimes even from day to day.

Libido is neither cyclical, nor purely biological, nor completely magical. It is the result of a set of factors, some of which are not under your control.

Sometimes you feel open, available, connected, ready to explore your body and your partner's. At other times, desire completely takes a back seat.

What can be difficult to grasp is that you are not necessarily always in perfect sync with your partner. This libido discrepancy within a couple has a name: Sexual Desire Discrepancy (SDD). Specifically, it is the difference between your desire and your actual sexual activity within your couple, linked in particular to your partner's libido fluctuations.

Differences in desire affect many couples: some manage to find their rhythm and to communicate, while others have more difficulty understanding libido fluctuations.

How to recognize and interpret your own variations in sexual desire?

How can you prevent a libido difference from affecting the quality of your relationship?

How to revive a flagging libido?

We explore the topic in depth to share our observations and advice.

An essential reminder about libido

Since we'll be talking about libido throughout this article, it's important to understand the subject thoroughly and know exactly what it entails.

Libido refers to sexual desire, an openness, a sexual availability to oneself but also to others. It's like a call from the body inviting you to have intercourse and/or masturbate.

If we look at the purely medical definition of libido, it would be exclusively the result of your hormones and biological dispositions: "Libido is a feeling of sexual desire, essentially dependent on the secretion of androgens in both women and men." Académie de médecine

This is a truncated and incomplete approach to libido.

If we look at the definition proposed by doctors F.Cour, S.Droupy, and A.Faux in Anatomy and Physiology of Sexuality, libido would be "a psychobiological drive, nourished by two sources: exogenous sensory and endogenous, corresponding to sexual fantasies and ideas."

We are more aligned with this second option, which takes into account not only purely biological factors but also environmental and psychological ones.

Why do we prefer this definition? Because it gives you power over your libido. If your desire is dormant, you can stimulate it, awaken it, and stir it in a thousand and one ways.

Do men have a higher libido than women?

This is THE big question (or the big cliché) surrounding libido. Men supposedly have an overflowing libido, always ready for sex, while women experience significant variations due to their hormones and sensitivity.

This view lacks nuance. It's a subject to be handled with care.

In the 1970s, some voices already began to question these preconceived notions. The work of American sexologist and essayist Shere Hite gave women a voice about their desires, fantasies, and rhythms, revealing a sexuality far richer and more nuanced than the dominant stereotypes of the time.

There is indeed a biological reality: libido is largely influenced by hormones. This partly explains why women often express more intense sexual desire during ovulation (mid-cycle), when they secrete a large amount of sex hormones. For men, sex hormones are produced regularly throughout the month.

In reality, to truly understand your libido, you need to look beyond the hormonal system. So many factors come into play that it's impossible to settle for such a binary gendered generality.

Laure Dasinieres, a journalist for the media Slate, conducted a study on a hundred people between 25 and 73 years old (women and men) to try to better understand the expression of their sexual desire. The result: there is no notorious libido gap between men and women.

She then turned to Dr. Patrick Papazian, a sexologist in Paris, to refine her observation. Here's what he says:

"If there is a difference, it is a difference in demonstration. It is accepted and expected that men express and assert their desire [...] When, as a man, you have the opportunity to have an open and honest discussion with women, it seems to me that you realize the situation is more balanced. However, women are less vocal about their desire because, once again, that is what is socially expected of them."

And what does science say on this subject? There is no consensus. Studies contradict each other. If we stick to Freudian analysis and 1980s statistics, men would be subject to an overflowing libido and uncontrollable sexual urges. But the closer we get to modern times, the more women's libido is considered.

According to an American study published in 2022, 25% of women even have a higher libido than men.

We therefore invite you to not generalize, to be attentive to your own reality. Give yourself the right to express your desire or your lack of desire, regardless of your gender or sexual orientation. Free yourself from injunctions and put your body back at the center.

What factors can influence libido?

Hormones and libido: allies and enemies

As you will have understood, we do not wish to limit libido to its purely biological and hormonal dimension. However, it is a reality: hormonal variations have an impact on sexual desire. Here's what happens in women and men.

On the feminine side, sexual appetite is influenced by estrogen and progesterone (sex hormones), whose production fluctuates throughout the menstrual cycle. Ovulation is a key moment: these two hormones are produced in large quantities to allow the release of the ovum and prepare the body for a possible pregnancy.

However, these are not the only hormones involved in the expression of libido.

Sexual desire manifests when other hormones activate the body's excitatory mechanism: dopamine and endorphin, among others. These hormones are secreted when you are having a good time, exercising, eating something you like…

The feeling of happiness and satisfaction is only expressed if these hormones are not inhibited by other "harmful" hormones, such as prolactin.

On this principle, women and men agree.

On the masculine side, it is mainly testosterone that boosts sexual desire. It is produced regularly throughout the month and does not experience significant fluctuations, except in particular pathologies. It simply tends to decrease with age.

What is less known is that women also produce testosterone. What's funny is that this hormone has no influence on their libido!

How your mental health influences your libido

Mental health impacts your libido. It's not a myth: your stress levels, nervousness, and sleep directly influence your sexual desire.

It's easy to understand: if you're exhausted or preoccupied with a topic, it's unlikely you'll be able to dedicate time and energy to sexuality.

Already in 2006, researchers were interested in the influence of mental health on libido expression. That year, a French study conducted on over 1000 adults revealed that 73% of individuals are less willing to have sex during periods of stress.

Another conclusion of this survey: libido is contextual and also depends on your state of mind. Again, this conclusion is easily understood: you are certainly more inclined to have sex during a beach vacation than when you're stuck on the Parisian subway.

Libido is therefore the result of a whole, a global state of mind. When you feel good, enthusiastic, rested, and confident in yourself and your partner, you allow yourself to express your sexual desire.

Sometimes, a piece of bad news or an unaddressed complex can hinder libido. If you have trouble understanding variations in desire in your partner or yourself, be sure to take this psychological dimension into account.

To want to have sex, you need to be able to let go. And to let go, you need to be in a good state of mind.

Libido in the face of life's challenges

If you were used to burning with desire for your partner (or even solo), certain significant life events can mark important changes in your libido. This is completely normal. Respect your rhythm, your timing; there is no obligation to have sex or feel a devouring and insatiable desire all the time.

All couples go through pivotal moments in life, including:

Postpartum

During pregnancy, the female body is heavily solicited. Add to that the stress and fatigue of a newborn's first few months, and you have an unfavorable cocktail for a thriving sex life.

In postpartum, couples often struggle to reconnect, to find time alone, as their roles as parents consume them.

While men often express the need to regain intimacy in the first few weeks after childbirth, this is not always the case for women. They need to reclaim their bodies and give them that "object of desire" status again.

Each couple has its own timing; there is no rule to follow. The return to sexuality can take several weeks, even several months. In their article Impact of delivery method on sexuality in primiparas (2022), gynecologists S. Ghades, O. Kaabia, and M.R. Fatnassi report that 30% of women experience desire disorders, even 3 months after giving birth.

Illness

If you or your partner are facing illness, libido may be put on hold for a while. Remember that the body always dedicates its energy to vital functions. In such moments, your needs and priorities are not focused on sexual desire.

Gynecological pathologies such as endometriosis or PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) directly impact the female hormonal system and disrupt the expression of libido. These diseases are still largely underdiagnosed, yet at least one in ten women is affected, according to the World Health Organization.

Finally, certain treatments can also influence libido: antidepressants or treatments containing synthetic hormones, for example.

Hormonal variations (menopause and andropause)

Menopause and andropause are significant hormonal transition periods that occur between 45 and 55 years of age on average. While andropause is not systematic, 100% of women experience menopause, which is the drop in estrogen and progesterone levels.

This hormonal deficiency results in a set of symptoms, including a genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM). It covers all intimate area disorders: vaginal dryness, painful intercourse, and urinary problems. One in two postmenopausal women is affected.

During this period, many women report significant discomfort during intercourse. They tend to gradually lose interest in sexuality and disinvest in this part of their lives. Inevitably, their libido is impacted.

On the men's side, andropause is often referred to as "male menopause". Concretely, testosterone levels drop, which is accompanied by erectile dysfunction and a lower libido.

And your couple in all this?

When there are tensions in the couple, libido rarely wants to be involved. Unspoken issues, accumulated frustrations, everyday resentments quickly take over... leaving little room for desire.

When you're no longer on the same wavelength, when issues remain unresolved, it becomes difficult to truly reconnect, relax, and let go. The body, for its part, understands very well what is happening: it closes off, it protects itself, it waits for the atmosphere to become softer again.

Before worrying about a flagging libido, take a step back. Ask yourself if there aren't some underlying issues to untangle: life projects that are no longer aligned, an overwhelming mental load, tensions around money, children, daily organization, or simply accumulated fatigue.

Sometimes, the core of the problem... is precisely the libido gap. One partner waits, the other feels pressured or guilty, distance sets in, and each digs in their heels. Desire becomes discreet, and the couple enters a kind of vicious circle.

In these situations, there is no miracle solution. But there is an essential starting point: opening the discussion. We'll talk about that right after.

Libido gap in couples: how to reconnect?

Opening the discussion within the couple

When there is a libido gap and you're struggling to reconnect, talking about it becomes essential. It's not pleasant for anyone, and it's often destabilizing for both sides.

The person feeling less desire may feel inadequate, "failing," or have the impression that the other expects something they can't deliver. Sometimes, they don't even understand themselves what's happening: a medical treatment, a drop in self-confidence, profound fatigue, a complicated relationship with their body... All these avenues deserve to be explored together and without pressure.

On the other hand, the person with more libido may feel rejected, unwanted, pushed away. They may experience the absence of intimacy as a personal rejection, or even as a lack of love, when that is not necessarily the case.

To avoid misunderstandings and prevent the situation from worsening, it's important to gently defuse it. Talk not to solve the problem immediately, but to understand what each person is going through.

A few simple questions can already open up a lot:

• How do you feel about our relationship right now?

• What's been on your mind lately?

• Do you feel good, supported, listened to?

• Are there things we could improve to rediscover more closeness?

Sometimes, the solution doesn't even involve sexuality. Arranging childcare, setting aside real time together, reconnecting without a specific goal, just to be together, laugh, share... Giving the couple, the team you form, its rightful place again.

And if the discussion is too difficult to initiate alone, seeking support from a sexologist or a couple's therapist can be a real breath of fresh air. Not because "things are bad," but because you want to take care of your bond.

Back to basics: intimacy and sensuality

Before trying to push the boundaries of your sexuality, go back to basics. To what makes you love each other, choose each other, want to be together.

Creating sensuality is sometimes simply about slowing down. Softer lighting, a vinyl playing slowly, a warm voice in the background. In the 1970s, artists like Marvin Gaye were already singing about a hushed, carnal, deeply emotional desire, far from any injunction to performance.

Reconnect with what you deeply desire in the other. What makes you swoon, what makes you tender, what excites you sometimes without you even knowing why.

Some very concrete ideas, to adapt to your way of loving:

• Organize surprise dates, even simple, even short ones.

• Take time to prepare for the other: lingerie that makes you feel beautiful or handsome, perfume, a new haircut.

• Give compliments, without waiting for a special occasion.

• Leave sweet notes around the house, in a bag, on the pillow.

• Be attentive to details, to what pleases the other.

• Make room for spontaneity again, without planning everything.

Resuming a game of seduction also means accepting not to be completely taken for granted. Desiring each other again, looking at each other differently, savoring that gentle tension that sometimes precedes touch.

Awakening libido and respecting its rhythm

When libido begins to stir, there's no need to rush. There's no race, no level to reach. Desire likes to be allowed to come, to be tamed.

To slowly raise the temperature, several options are available:

• Naughty sexts to maintain desire throughout the day.

• A shared erotic audio, or a sensual playlist to create a sensual atmosphere.

• Slow kisses, shared mindfully, to intensify connection and intimacy.

• Time to rediscover the other's body, as if for the first time, with caresses, body paint, or slow erotic massages.

There's no need to aim for "perfect" or highly elaborate intercourse. Sensuality has its place, sometimes long before sexuality in the strict sense. Erotic massage oils, stimulating gels, caresses, sensory games, gazes, shared breaths... Let sensations guide the moment.

Here, the goal is not penetration, nor orgasm, nor performance. It is desire itself. The pleasure of being there, together, in the moment. Trust yourselves.

To go further: exploring your sexuality as a couple

Once you're comfortable, reconnected, and ready to explore, why not gently step off the beaten path? Sexuality offers a wealth of possibilities, games, and discoveries to experience together.

If you've never explored the realm of sex toys, it's sometimes an excellent way to rekindle desire and foster intimacy. A vibrating cock ring for shared sensations, a vibrating egg with remote control to play with anticipation, a strap-on to reverse roles and explore new territories... The possibilities are endless.

Discover our selection of sex toys for couples

Here are our recommendations:

• A wand to gently extend an erotic massage into a sexual massage of intimate areas.

• Frenum stimulation to discover new, more targeted sensations around penile pleasure. A practice that requires time and learning, providing an opportunity for different self-discovery.

• A couple vibrator to amplify stimulation during penetrative intercourse.

What matters is not what you choose, but how you experience it: with listening, respect, curiosity, and pleasure. Libido is not a goal to be reached, it is a path to be traveled together.